I’m a big ‘when things calm down’ person. But here’s problem: I am lying to myself. I have a post I wrote 2016 where my now sister-in-law made a joke about me saying that things would calm down, then proceeded to list out a travel schedule that suggested things would calm down in approximately six months. The same thing is true today. My schedule doesn’t feel unmanageable and I’ve thus far avoided burnout, which begs the question: What if things don’t need to calm down? What if this just is normal?
It’s a minor shift in thinking, but a huge shift in how I plan future goals and set expectations for myself.
I’m working through a course right now about coaching for sleep, stress and recovery, and one of the concepts they’re delving into right now is the idea that “Our brains often encourage us to imagine an ideal future where everything magically falls into place.”
Which is basically a fancy way of saying, When X happens, then I’ll Y.
Their solution is simple, but not easy. Basically, it’s about figuring out what you can do now, consistently. Because it’s unlikely that the situation is going to change that drastically in the future, it’s better to figure out what you can do right now and start doing that. In our case, travel and funky schedules will always be part of our lives because of our families, our work, and what we love to do—so no, things are unlikely to ‘calm down’ enough for me to take a full month off of all work / travel to finish the next Shred Girls novel.
It’s also why I have a 15-minute morning core routine, but I have both a 1-minute version of it that I count as “good enough” and a “6-out-of-7 days is good enough” get-out-of-jail free card that I use on days where it’s just too hectic to make it happen.
Because I have those rules in place, I almost never opt out of the routine, but having them there makes it easier to stick with the routine and not get stressed about breaking the streak. (Yes, I can technically always do 1 minute. But honestly, there are days where it’s just not compelling, i.e waking up in the van on a cold, rainy day where we have a 10 hour drive to do. In that case, I usually just do a few squats while pumping gas at some point during the day. Having the ability to give myself grace for the very occasional day its missed is how I’ve done this routine almost every day for over 10 years now.)
However, I have almost wrecked my morning routine by trying to do more. 15 minutes, no problem… especially when I do the 15 minutes while watching a TV show that I want to watch. But my ‘future self’ or ‘perfect self’ is way more zen and does her yoga beach-side while meditating, or does a 30 minute Pilates routine, or goes to an early yoga class. Those are great, but for me, they’re unsustainable as a daily routine. They cross the line into too much. Any time I’ve tried to make the switch, it hasn’t gone well or lasted, because even if I get in a groove, our travel schedule or my work schedule or my training schedule ramps up and those are just too much.
TL;DR: As you’re thinking about our goals for 2025 and beyond, make sure that you’re not placing unrealistic expectations on your future self. A good filter is to check in and see if you’re using the phrase ‘after’ or ‘when I’ as you’re thinking about the actions you’re going to start taking. If you say “After the holidays, I will” “After this work trip, I will” “After this race, I will” “After this WHATEVER, I will”, pause. Could you do the action you’re thinking of right now, consistently? If not, it’s likely not a realistic expectation (yet). What’s the smaller version of it that you can do right now? Start there. It’s great to want big things for yourself in the future—but be careful you’re not just burdening your future self with impossible tasks.
